A new year brings new resolutions (for my son, not for me)

Typically, I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions. I am a fairly intelligent and hardworking person, but I hate failing. So, for me, welcoming the new year with haven’t-done-it-yet-so-probably-won’t-work-now resolutions feels like putting my best foot forward just to give up the walk 10 days in.

Look, I know this isn’t the popularly recommended “growth mindset.” What I’m saying to you is that failure is for the people out there who aren’t trying to prove their worth through performance like some of us are. May we anxiously overperform in peace, amen.

This year, though, there are so many things I want to change. My problem is that I want them to change; I just don’t want to change them. Might the destiny angels of 2026 shine upon me to help me get emotionally healthy, lose weight, become a more patient wife and mother, finish graduate school without excessive anxiety, and experience spiritual healing? Like, really, it doesn’t feel like too much to ask for after the unprecedented time that was 2025.

Coincidentally, Jonah, my 16-year-old who was born with epidermolysis bullosa (EB), also doesn’t want to work for change. When I am unmotivated, I think we can all agree it’s humorous and charming. When 16-year-olds are unmotivated, it’s not even a little bit endearing. (It could be because the teenage version comes with eye rolling, exasperated sighing, incredulity that you would even suggest that, Mom, and dude sweat.)

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So I’ve taken the liberty of writing out a few resolutions for him (that he will discover when he reads this online. Don’t worry, everyone. I am certain he will be receptive.)

1. I will take my lunchbox out of my book bag when I get home and put items I did not eat back in the refrigerator because chocolate-vanilla swirl pudding doesn’t grow on trees, man.
2. I will let my parents finish the complete sentence of their suggestion before I start arguing with why what I haven’t even heard yet is a dumb idea.
3. I will use the closet in my bedroom that the Lord himself did giveth unto me for my shoes, rather than the bedroom floor.
4. I will finally admit that I am actually even just a tiny part of the problem when it comes to the arguing between my brother and me. I will stop being so antagonistic. (I will tell my mom that my brother better have the same resolution but even, like, bigger, because he’s definitely a bigger part of the problem.)
5. I will look up the word antagonistic.

Truly, though, I love making these kinds of resolutions (in good fun, of course) for Jonah. Because they are the same resolutions that could be made for pretty much any teenager in the world. And having something so normally infuriating as typical teen attitude and antics — when you were told at his birth that, due to EB, there was an 85% chance he wouldn’t make it to his first birthday — makes every single year, resolutions or not, the best ever.

Happy New Year to all of you who are not defined by your difference, but are living your best (possibly endearingly unmotivated) life in spite of it.

Note: No Jonahs were harmed in the publishing of this column. Jonah did, in fact, pre-read and approve it, wholeheartedly embracing my making fun at his expense. Because he’s cool like that.

Note: Epidermolysis Bullosa News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Epidermolysis Bullosa News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to epidermolysis bullosa.